This is painful and beautifully written. I am a teacher, and I too have had some terrible years. I went through four stinging years of anxiety and depression due to divorce and the side effects of that (and drinking). I still shudder when I think of all the half-ass teaching I did, and that I just couldn't care anymore. But my students largely treated me like shit too, which only deepened the anxiety. High school. We have got to learn to be cool to each other.